How To Write A Gratitude List When Gratitude Feels Hard
‘Tis the season everyone will ask you what you’re grateful for. For some, thinking of what you’re grateful for is easy. You don’t even need paper and a pen. You can spill a list of things you’re grateful for without pausing for a breath and then asking with ease, “What about you?”
But for others, gratitude can feel like pulling from a jumbled mess in your head that you’re still trying to untangle. Sometimes, you feel like your feelings aren't valid when asked to find gratitude during a challenging situation or difficult time, as if a silver lining is compulsory. Sometimes, it feels like a gratitude competition versus an honest admission.
And sometimes, you’re not in the mood for gratitude. That does not mean that you are ungrateful, no, not by any means. It may mean that you have a lot on your heart right now. You might be feeling down by things out of your control. Or you’re working through something, and gratitude feels like an additional, heavy step you don’t have the energy for.
So this is for you to help you respond to a call for gratitude, whether at the dinner table, in a workshop, at work, in a private conversation, or an online chat group.
5 Tips For Writing A Feel-Good Gratitude List When You Don’t Feel Good
Use your immediate senses. Keep it simple, and look at what feels appealing in front of you. Something you see (like a candle) that initiates calm. Something you smell (like the oven opening) that brings joy. Something you hear (like the sound of tea pouring) that invites peace. Something you feel (like winter socks on your feet) that offers comfort. Don’t overthink it, and use the environment directly around you.
Think of your coping methods. If the question stresses you out, think of the things you use to destress. Your go-to song. Your go-to snack. Your go-to walking path. Go to that place, and maybe take a little bit of stress relief with you.
Keep a running list on your own time. Not every day is a day for gratitude. But some days might be. It could feel nice to keep a list of things you’re grateful for to remind you that sometimes it is within your capacity. Jot it down in a notebook or save your list in the Notes on your phone. And if you feel compelled to answer someone who asks you, think of the list you’ve already made.
Allow one to be enough. The size of your gratitude list doesn’t determine your worth, so remove the pressure of creating a list. Perhaps one thing does pop into your head. Awesome! Let that one thing be enough.
Just…don’t. Guess what, you don’t have to play along if you don’t want to. You do not have to make space for gratitude if you have no space to give. If someone asks you what you’re grateful for at the dinner table or in a workshop circle, you can say, “I’m grateful that you asked, but I’d love to hear yours/hear what [Name] is grateful for” and pass the baton.
wellness check
Your feelings are valid, even if those feelings are not gratitude.
In her book, Toxic Positivity: Keeping It Real in a World Obsessed with Being Happy, marriage and family therapist Whitney Goodman calls attention to times when something disappointing happens (like losing your job) and the person you’re speaking to goes into a monologue that includes “at least…” which almost always leads to something positive and pulls into the land of positivity—whether you are ready or not.
This leads you to shut down and try to “figure out how the heck you could become more grateful and positive without inconveniencing anyone with your stress, worry, or shame.” But know that your feelings are not an inconvenience and, to repeat, you do not have to make space for gratitude if you have no space to give.
What My Gratitude List Looks Like
Here’s a look at a gratitude list I made this morning. I kept it simple with the scent of the holiday candle I’m obsessed with, having a clear calendar, and the lovely way my new pen writes.
Moving Forward
Oh, and I’m grateful for you reading this. Wherever you engage with my brand, I'm grateful that you found this and took the time out of your busy life to take in some of my advice. I only hope that you found it helpful in yours.
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