How To Write A Response To Negative Comments, Kindly
Work out your resilience muscle by navigating negative comments with grace.
I had to do this recently when one of my articles about moving to Vienna went live on Insider. I read through comments like “Good! Don’t ever come back to America! We don’t want you here!” and “LOL, who photoshopped this to make her arm look that way?!” Oh, and “Your poetry is just as bad as your bourgeois fetishization with other places.”
Yeah 😅😅😅 it was aggressive. While the Internet is prime grounds for negativity (and I could create another post about the science of that), I will focus this post on how to respond to negativity kindly.
This advice doesn’t just apply to negative comments on a social media post. It goes for small business owners, who may meet negative Google or Yelp reviews. Or candidates who sometimes receive negative feedback from potential employers. (They don’t deserve you if this is you.) Or even for singles, who might receive negative comments after swiping right.
No matter your age, job title, or any other differentiating factor, negative comments will inevitably find you. The fact is, our brains are hardwired for negativity, but we also have the power to react kindly.
7 Tips For Responding To A Negative Comment
Every forum and every comment requires a different response. One of these may help you make the kindest choice for your situation.
Say nothing. Sometimes, the best way to respond is not to respond. Especially if there’s open hostility, no matter what you say, it could wind up spiraling (and take up wayyy too much energy).
Say it privately. If the negative comments on a public forum are about your business, you may offer to have a private dialogue with the commenter to come to a better understanding.
Say something…later. Sometimes, negative comments do have some truth to them. For these, it’s better to take a breath, step away, and return to it later. Then, you can respond with a little more clarity and humility and consider (at least part of) the feedback.
Say you’re curious. A lot of negativity stems from a lack of understanding or empathy. Try asking a question and approaching the negative comment from a place of curiosity. Learning more about what led to the comment’s sentiments could start a healthy conversation (and result in a positive conclusion). Or it might not work, but at least you know you were curiously kind ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
Say, thank you. I know, I know, this can feel icky. But thanking someone for their feedback, even if it’s straight-up mean, lets the commenter be seen and shows their comment did not succeed in tearing you down. Avoid being passive-aggressive and keep it simple. A “thank you for your feedback!” or “appreciate you taking the time to comment/review” will do.
Give a rebuttal. If negativity is discriminating or offensive, sometimes it calls for calling it out. The best example of how to do this is what I saw recently from @payalforstyle on Instagram. After posting a video of her painting her son’s nails, she got a BARRAGE of horrible anti-LGBTQ and grossly patriarchal comments. In turn, she created this, this, and this as a response to stand her ground against conformity and that she’ll love her son no matter who he grows up to love.
Give a suggestion. If someone doesn’t like what you offer, skip trying to convince them otherwise. Instead of feeding into negativity, spread positivity. Where it makes sense, you could provide alternate suggestions. For example, if you own a sandwich shop, you could say, “Sorry you feel this way about [Your Store Name]! You might prefer [Competitor Store Name]; I’ve always enjoyed their prosciutto sandwiches!” Or, if you’re a fashion content creator and someone negatively comments on your style, you can say, “Bummed you don’t like this style, but if you’re looking for more of [style], you might like [@creator], they're a fabulous follow.” **Hopefully** the commentator won't take their negativity with them and appreciate you for leading the way.
wellness check
Negativity can feel really yucky. Responding kindly may not free it up completely. If you still feel negativity lingering, try meditating to release negative energy. This one on Insight Timer takes just 10 minutes. Repeat as necessary.
Moving Forward, Thoughtfully
When faced with negativity, spread positivity. Leave your favorite local business an online review. DM your favorite content creator and tell them what their work means to you. Get a card and write your best friend a note to congratulate them on something they’ve recently accomplished. Write an email to a colleague about what you appreciate about them.
Add positivity into your ecosystem instead of feeding into the negativity of someone else’s.
Oh, and tell yourself something kind, too. A sticky note will do :)
If you enjoyed this post and want more nurturing notes and writing advice, subscribe to my newsletter. If you need help with your outline or your content, email me at: sonya@nurturednarratives.com.